Family and friends support in pregnancy

Talk to your midwife or maternity service if you are unsure about how to incorporate support from family and friends during your pregnancy 

Family and friends support

When women give birth, it's important for family and friends to remember that the mums themselves need looking after - especially if they're feeling overwhelmed.

Some new mums become so preoccupied with their baby that they don't realise how much they're struggling. It's often their partner or another family member who notices that something is wrong. Other mums may recognise how they're feeling, but not know how to talk to anyone about it.

Whatever the situation, we know that having a supportive partner, family member or friend can make a real difference for someone struggling in the perinatal period.

Contact information for your local maternity service

East and North Hertfordshire (The Lister Hospital): 01438 284 124

West Essex (The Princess Alexandra Hospital): 01279 827 286 

South and West Hertfordshire (Watford General Hospital): 01923 217 343

How family and friends can offer support during and after the pregnancy

Daily Chores

Asking for help can be a daunting prospect, and even more so if you're worried that you might be judged as a bad parent. Family and friends can offer help with: 

  • arranging clinical appointments
  • accompanying you to appointments or look after the baby or older children, or help plan what you would like to discuss at your appointment. .
  • researching different options for support, such as peer support groups or parenting groups.

Emotional Support

It may be difficult, upsetting or frustrating when you become a new parent, especially if you are experiencing a perinatal mental health problem - but it's important not to blame yourself for how you are feeling. Let your family and friends know so they can support you. 

Advice for family and friends

Some people who experience perinatal mental health problems may be reluctant to ask for help, out of fear that they might be judged as a bad parent or that it will result in their baby being taken away from them.

So it can be really important for you to reassure them that many people have these experiences, and that they can get better.

If you think or suspect that the person you are close to is experiencing any of the following serious symptoms, sometimes called "red flag symptoms", please make sure they get help as soon as possible and they should have an urgent referral to a specialist team.

Red flag symptoms:

- new thoughts of violent self-harm

- sudden onset or rapidly worsening symptoms

- persistent feelings of estrangement from your baby

Contact the talking therapies service for support -NHS Hertfordshire and Mid Essex Talking Therapies (hpft.nhs.uk)

Make time for them

Your loved one might not feel they are able to ask for your support - but it's always worth offering. You might worry that you're intruding on a private time for the family, you shouldn't, all help you can give is needed at this time:

  • offer to spend casual time with them. Just having some company while getting on with daily tasks and looking after their baby can help make your loved one feel less isolated.
  • make time to keep in touch. If your loved one is struggling with their mental health, it can make a big difference to them if they feel that you're thinking of them and actively want to spent time together.
  • Suggest activities that you used to do together. Becoming a parent can make some people feel as if they're losing touch with their previous identities, so see if you can find things to do together that you did before they became a parent.
  • offer to go to parent-child groups or activities together if your loved one is feeling nervous about going alone.

Be patient

  • give them space. Your loved one might feel under pressure to be positive about their experience of becoming a parent, and it might take some time for them to feel able to talk.
  • learn about perinatal mental health. If you're worried about how to talk to your loved one about their mental health, try reading the rest of the pages on this section of the website to learn more.
  • listen to them. You might want to offer them advice or encourage them to think about how happy they are to have their baby, but your loved one might feel as if they're being criticised. Try to listen to what they want to share.
  • don't judge. If your loved one opens up about distressing thoughts, try not to to judge them. It's likely to be very difficult for them to talk about these sorts of thoughts, so the best thing you can do is not judge.

More help and support: